By Richard Burnett
Through the years, many 海角社区 students have found love in all the right places. The same common ground that brought them to 海角社区 in the first place has opened new pathways to romance, often for the first time.
鈥淔or many of our students, this is the first place where they feel truly accepted by their peers,鈥� said Dr. A.J. Marsden, an associate professor of human services and psychology. 鈥淭hey aren鈥檛 ridiculed or laughed at because of their learning differences 鈥� in fact, they celebrate their differences.鈥�
Not surprisingly, bonds are formed, friendships grow and romantic connections emerge in this newfound atmosphere of acceptance, she said.
鈥淢any of our students have their first romantic relationships at 海角社区,鈥� Marsden noted. 鈥淎nd with their shared experiences and difficulties in overcoming adversities, many of those relationships become lifelong.鈥�
While there鈥檚 no formal study of the 鈥渕arriage rate鈥� for couples who met at 海角社区, it would not be surprising if that rate keeps pace with, if not exceeds, the national average. ( by Facebook鈥檚 data science unit found 30% of couples who meet in college end up getting married, although it can range as high as 60%).
For this Valentine鈥檚 Day, let鈥檚 reminisce with some of those couples shared their love stories:
Breaking the ice 鈥渙n a desert island鈥�
When Heather Reed met Brett Daly, the first thing they talked about was what they would need if they were ever stranded on a desert island. For the logically-minded Brett, it was a question of practicality 鈥� certainly a knife, fishing net, hammock, and bug spray, to start with.
For the fun-loving Heather, there was no hesitation: Chocolates!!
鈥淲e still laugh about that,鈥� Brett said, recalling the icebreaking activity at 海角社区鈥檚 freshman orientation in 2011. 鈥淔rom a practical standpoint, I asked Heather what she would do with candy on a desert island. I guess I expected some logical answer, but her answer ended up being just that she liked chocolate.鈥�
Fast forward to this year. The Dalys have merged the journey of their lives from friendship, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Heather, 37, graduated in 2014 with a bachelor鈥檚 degree in web and digital media. She is now 海角社区鈥檚 assistant director of admissions. Brett, 35, also a 2014 graduate, got a bachelor鈥檚 in computer information systems. He is an e-learning support specialist II for Embry Riddle University in Daytona Beach.
The Dalys clearly enjoy telling their love story. There鈥檚 still fresh magic and charm to the tale 鈥� from that first orientation and their first date (a study session, with 鈥淕ame of Thrones鈥� on in the background) to their wedding day in 2019, set to the rhythm of 鈥淚 Wanna Dance with Somebody.鈥�
The relationship grew amid shared experiences and distinct differences. Heather was an extroverted resident assistant who led that first orientation group; Brett was the quiet, socially awkward thinker who needed someone to bring him out of his shell. A good example happened when the orientation group went bowling together. Brett remembers being in the background at first, watching in awe at Heather鈥檚 contagious enthusiasm.
鈥淭here was a moment, when I just decided I wanted to get know this person better and see where it led,鈥� he said. 鈥淚t was like I was coming out of the shadows and falling in love with Heather.鈥�
As the relationship grew, they connected about their learning disabilities and stressful experiences in high school. Heather was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, auditory processing disorder, and dyscalculia; Brett, with generalized anxiety disorder.
After graduating from high school somewhat soured on the educational system, both took jobs hoping to flourish in the workforce. Brett worked at Radio Shack and other retail outlets. Heather worked at a car dealership and community college book store. But they were frustrated in the workplace as well. That eventually led them to 海角社区.
For Heather, coming to 海角社区 was like having a reset in her life, of being able to figure out who she was, to take ownership of her disability, take control of her education and to turn around and help others.
鈥淎s I came to 海角社区, I was never expecting that I would find someone to fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with,鈥� she said. 鈥淭hen I met Brett and that changed everything. It was fun and I was happy. It was such a strange feeling to be at school and be happy. It was wonderful.鈥�
Brett said he had a similar reset at 海角社区, regaining the confidence he had lost earlier in his life, finding himself academically and experiencing love 鈥� with Heather playing the key role in his renaissance.
鈥淭o anyone who is still looking for the right one, I would say just keep hope alive,鈥� Brett said. 鈥淚 know it can be easy to lose confidence and get down on yourself. I mean, in high school, I was never what you鈥檇 call a 鈥榣ady鈥檚 man,鈥� and that experience was tough. It could have led me to believe I鈥檇 never find someone. But I just kept on going, kept on having hope, and I did find the happiness I was looking for.鈥�
Take us out to the ball game
Shanie Healy will never forget meeting her future husband, Ian, years ago at 海角社区鈥檚 student apartments. As she helped a friend unpack the car to start the school year, Ian and a friend showed up, offering help.
鈥淚 was drawn to him, immediately,鈥� said Shanie, a native of Palo Alto, California. 鈥淣umber one, because he was wearing a [Baltimore] Orioles tee shirt and while that鈥檚 not my team, I鈥檓 a big, big sports fan. He was also funny and made us laugh, so I knew he had a good sense of humor and I liked it. I thought to myself, 鈥業鈥檝e gotta keep an eye on him.鈥欌��
Twenty-five years later, the Healys have been married nearly two decades. Shanie, 47, finished 海角社区 in 1999 with a bachelor鈥檚 degree in human services. She is a martial arts instructor and works in dining logistics for the University of California at Santa Barbara. Ian, 45, graduated in 2001, with a bachelor鈥檚 in computer information systems. He is a client services representative for Inogen Inc., which provides patients with home oxygen services.
When they met in 1997, 海角社区 was still in its nascent stages, with only about 40 students on campus. They ended up in the same math class and became fast friends. The friendship grew when Shanie, who struggled with math, asked Ian, a math whiz, to become her tutor. They began dating about a year later.
As the romance bloomed, they bonded over their love of sports, travel, humor and family as well as their mutual struggles with learning disabilities. While getting high marks in other subjects, Shanie鈥檚 problems in math worsened, as she experienced math anxiety and general anxiety. Meanwhile, while excelling in math, Ian managed a reading comprehension disorder.听
In their relationship, they found strength in each other 鈥� Shanie from Ian鈥檚 calm, steady presence, and he from her positive outgoing energy. Less than two years after they started dating, they were engaged.
Ian recalled their engagement: 鈥淚t was at the end of the year and I remember thinking how much I was going to miss Shanie during the summer, the sadness I would feel,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 had never been in a serious relationship like that before. I knew I wanted something long term with her. When we got back together in August, I had to find out if it was mutual. Fortunately, it was鈥�.鈥�
The Healys married on June 23, 2002 in Shanie鈥檚 hometown of Santa Barbara, where they now live and work. It was a warm, crystal clear, sunlit day 鈥� defying the notorious 鈥淛une Swoon鈥� fog that often envelops that city during the month.听
After the ceremony, they entered the reception hall to the tune 鈥淭ake Me Out to the Ballgame,鈥� and took their first dance steps as a married couple to Chicago鈥檚 鈥淵ou鈥檙e My Inspiration.鈥�
鈥淚鈥檇 have to say there were some nerves,鈥� Ian said. 鈥淚 did take a few deep breaths at the altar. But when I saw Shanie come down the aisle on her father鈥檚 arm, I knew everything was alright. It was one of the best days of our lives.鈥�
Let nothing come between you
In her 海角社区 student apartment, Emily Abramson wept uncontrollably. No matter how much she tried, she couldn鈥檛 solve her math problems. Just like high school, it didn鈥檛 make sense. And once again she feared failure.
Then she heard a familiar knock on the door: Her boyfriend Ari Berkowitz was reporting for duty. He knew the variables, theorems, equations and how they all fit. Plus, he had the gift of being able to explain it to her.
鈥淭here would be days I鈥檇 be just pulling my hair out and he鈥檇 always know what to do,鈥� said Emily, recalling the early times of their relationship. 鈥淗e would come in, get a cup of tea, sit down and talk with me for however long it took. It could be minutes or hours, it wouldn鈥檛 matter. He would explain it perfectly and I would finally understand.鈥�
In those calming, patient moments, Ari won Emily鈥檚 heart and laid the foundation for a relationship that would be lifelong. 鈥淚t was another way he showed me how much he cared for me,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 thought to myself, 鈥榳ow, this man really loves me鈥�.鈥�
Nearly six years later, the couple married in Rockville, Maryland, in a picturesque ceremony surrounded by the region鈥檚 rolling hills. Their wedding song was fitting for two people who had been nearly inseparable since their first day on 海角社区 campus: 鈥淟et Nothing Come Between You鈥� by classic rocker Warren Zevon.
Today, they live in suburban Washington D.C., where Ari, 24, works as a data specialist for Rapid Finance, a small business online lender. He graduated in 2019 with a bachelor鈥檚 degree in computer information systems. Emily, 28, is an early childhood educator who works with learning-challenged children. She graduated in 2019 with a bachelor鈥檚 degree in human services and psychology, with a concentration in education.
Their journey together at 海角社区 began on the first day of freshman orientation in 2015. Emily spied Ari at an event and was immediately attracted to him. Ever the chatty extravert, she introduced herself and promptly told Ari she thought he was cute. Though shy and reserved, Ari returned the compliment. Within a week, they were on their first date and rest was history.
鈥淚n some ways, it was kind of an opposites-attract type relationship,鈥� said Ari, regarding his own shyness and Emily鈥檚 outgoing ways. 鈥淎 lot of people have commented on how much we complement each other. When I got to 海角社区, I hadn鈥檛 had a lot of experience with dating, so I was really lucky I found someone like Emily who obviously liked me.鈥�
As they got to know each other, it wasn鈥檛 long before they talked about their learning disabilities. Earlier in life, both had been diagnosed with Asperger鈥檚 Syndrome, a developmental disorder on the autism spectrum. Unable to speak when she was a young child, Emily鈥檚 diagnosis came when she was four years old; Ari鈥檚 when he was in high school.
Through counseling and therapy, Emily gradually overcame her communication issues and did well in school except for her chronic problems with math. Eventually, at 海角社区, she was diagnosed with the math cognition disorder known as dyscalculia and math anxiety. Ari鈥檚 patient tutoring helped her navigate the math hazards, while Emily helped him with English composition and reading comprehension.
鈥淚 opened up to Ari pretty fast,鈥� Emily said. 鈥淲e had a ton of classes together, so we already felt that kind of connection. We had the commonality of learning disabilities, and we would spend hours talking to each other about it.鈥�
Such openness and honesty have played a key role in their relationship as it has matured through the years, the couple said. Being patient, sharing your feelings, doing things with each other and learning how to compromise are some other best practices for a marriage, they said.
Overall, singer Warren Zevon said it well in Emily and Ari鈥檚 favorite song: 鈥淒on鈥檛 Let Anything Come Between You:鈥�
鈥淚 have advice for the young and old, if I may be so bold,鈥� he sings. 鈥淲hen you find someone to have and hold, don鈥檛 let nothing come between you.鈥�